So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
