Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
