I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
