Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
