next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize