Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
