Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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