You made me cry and you don't even care
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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