I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
