Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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