you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
