Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
