i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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