he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
