So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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