how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
