If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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