Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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