drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
