i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize