Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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