I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize