you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize