My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
