yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize