I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
