What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
