I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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