You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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