So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
