I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize