Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
