I accidentally had phone sex last night
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
