So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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