I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
