trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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