I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize