You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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