hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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