the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
