my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
