I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
