Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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