So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
