i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
