stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
