you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sober January is a disaster.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
