I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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