I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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