If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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