woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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