Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
