Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
