The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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