He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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