I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
