Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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