How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
