How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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