you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
