I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
