I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
