now i know why i became what i already was.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
