another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
