We won't sleep together?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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