I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
