there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
