I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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