id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
