I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is it penis luge time yet?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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