we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
