My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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