Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
