The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize