i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My vagina is very pro this idea
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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