You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
