We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
