How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
