Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
