I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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