Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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