After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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