I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
