tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am one with the molecules
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
