Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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