FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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