My nipple is on Facebook.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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