the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
