Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
