pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
