i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize