I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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