apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
