Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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