I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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