Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
