i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
