even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
