you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
