Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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